People often ask me how I’ve become so confident, like there’s some secret sauce that I’ve been keeping hidden.
Well, here’s the truth:
Confidence doesn’t come in a bottle or a book—it’s built, day by day, through experience, rejection, and reflection.
And yes, sometimes, it’s about getting hung up on, again and again, until you start to see those “no’s” as just another step towards a “yes.”
The Fastest Way to Confidence? Get Rejected.
Let me take you back to early 2000. I was diving into inside sales at the height of the internet boom, right before it all went bust. My job? Cold calling real estate agents from a list, without a computer, dialing for dollars.
Picture it: 100 calls a day, most of which ended with the sound of a dial tone. Fun, right? But let me tell you something—that’s where I built the thick skin that’s carried me through every challenge since.
Getting hung up on wasn’t just a daily occurrence; it was my job. But here’s the thing—every “no” got me one step closer to a “yes.” And along the way, I was trained by some of the best sales pros in the industry.
Those experiences taught me more than just how to sell; they taught me how to handle rejection, how to keep going when things got tough, and how to build confidence in myself, even when the world seemed determined to tear me down.
It Starts Young (If You’re Lucky)
Sure, I had a bit of a head start. I grew up with parents who taught me I could do whatever I wanted. When I was seven, my dad didn’t bat an eye when I said I wanted to race motorcycles. That kind of support gives you a foundation to build on, but I know not everyone had that kind of upbringing.
So, where does that leave you?
Put Yourself Out There—Deliberately
If you didn’t have someone telling you to go for it as a kid, it’s time to start telling yourself that now. The fastest way to build confidence is to put yourself in situations where you will get rejected. And when you do face rejection, don’t just brush it off—reflect on it. Understanding what you can learn from every “no” is crucial. I wouldn’t be where I am today without those 100 hang-ups a day or the people who told me the internet was just a fad.
Coaching Confidence
These days, I coach and advise, and I’ve helped hundreds of underserved business owners develop the thick skin they need to succeed. Whether it’s a young founder looking to raise money or a seasoned executive trying to navigate a tough market, it all comes back to one thing: resilience.
And guess what?
Resilience is a system—a system deeply rooted in the world of sales.
Principle-First
I love this quote by James Clear. But how do we actually do that?
How do we stop taking rejection and criticism as a personal attack? It comes down to three crucial mental models that I want to share with you.
Understanding the Evaluation System
1. The Spotlight Effect (Cognitive Bias)
We all think people are paying far more attention to us than they really are. Here’s the harsh truth: Most people aren’t thinking about you at all. The day you realize that is the day your freedom begins.
2. Action or Interpretation Filter
When you receive negative feedback, ask yourself:
Should I change my procedure (the actions I take)?
Or should I change my perception (how I interpret the advice)?
Remember, constructive feedback is only valuable if it comes from someone who has actually constructed something.
3. The 10% Critic Rule
The other day, someone called me “toxically positive.” It reminded me of this quote by Tim Ferriss:
“10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it and treat it as math.”
In other words, don’t sweat the haters. They’re a small percentage, and they’re not worth your energy.
Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is your belief that you CAN improve your abilities through dedication and hard work. Mastery takes time—for everyone. Commit yourself to lifelong learning, and you’ll find that thick skin comes naturally. According to a study by the Harvard Business Review, leaders who embrace a growth mindset are 34% more likely to foster a culture of innovation and 47% more likely to lead teams that are adaptable to change.
Bringing It Home
To develop thick skin, remember these three concepts: embrace rejection as a part of the journey, don’t take things personally, and adopt a growth mindset. Confidence isn’t about never feeling doubt—it's about turning every setback into a setup for success.
Think you’re ready to take on the world?
Start by challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone this week. Face a potential “no” head-on and see it as a learning opportunity. And if you need a guide to help you navigate those tough moments, I’m here for you. We can work together to transform every rejection into a building block to greater confidence.
Grab 30 minutes with me. No agenda, no pressure, just real talk.